The Henson Journals

[1]

Tuesday, January 1st. 1901.

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The bells are ringing in the new Century. I am standing on the threshold of new work. The year, just ended will be always memorable to me, as bringing me this immense opportunity. When I seemed at the very end of my earthly hopes, this great thing was given me. I had not sought it, it came to me as the most absolute of surprises. To this hour, I have no knowledge whose good offices commended me to Lord S. This fact makes me adventure the belief that here I am 'missus a Deo'. And this faith has been strengthened by the extraordinary kindness which on all hands has been shown to me. Here, I was welcomed most warmly, by everybody from the Dean to the Choir-boys. More than 200 letters of congratulation, from all sorts & conditions of men, were sent to me, many of them expressed in very ardent terms. The Socii, as usual, were without exception affectionate. The newspapers, with the solitary exception of "Truth", were friendly. All this was very comforting, and in a real measure, strengthening. Everybody seemed to be accepting me as missus a Deo. Thus I face the tremendous responsibilities of this great place with many tokens of confidence, in audience of many voices of encouragement. Yet I own to a [2] deep anxiety, almost a fear. Can I, being what I know myself to be, do this work to which God has sent me? "The grass withereth: the flower fadeth: but the Word of our God shall stand for ever." - the confidence which I may have must altogether rest on Him, whose servant I am. With what mind, then, do I dare to put my hand to this plough? I would be a penitent for the past - "I will confess my wickedness, & be sorry for my sin" - for my amazing & protracted unthankfulness, for my discontent, and egotism, and ambition, and manifold sin. 'God be merciful to me a sinner'. Then, I would be a Disciple, make an act of personal trust in my living Master & Lord, Jesus Christ, give myself altogether into His keeping. "Lord, I believe: help Thou mine unbelief". Finally, I would invoke the Comfort, guidance, purification, strength of the Holy Spirit - 'Come, Holy Ghost, my soul inspire'. Thus I would adventure on this new & difficult enterprize, entirely renouncing confidence in myself, and trusting wholly to the Grace of God. "Shew Thou me the way that I should walk in for I lift up my soul unto Thee". "Father, into Thy Hands I commend my spirit."

[1.a.m.]

[3]

My work in the Abbey has begun this New Year's Day, when I began my month's Residence. The Dean being absent I Celebrated after Mattins. There were no less than 72 commts, including Bishop Barry.

In the afternoon I attended Evensong: Bayne preached very excellently. Bain called, and returned later with a picture which he had purchased for me. What an impulsive, affectionate creature he is! My Rural dean, Northcote, who is Farrar's son in law called.

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