The Henson Journals

[104]

S. Peter's Day, 2nd Sunday after Trinity, June 29th, 1930.

"Depart from me, for I am a sinful man, O Lord".

S. Peter has uttered the woeful sense of utter inadequacy which sweeps over the mind of the man, who has realized what spiritual ministry implies when vested in himself. "The quest is not for me" – how can such a person, so untrustworthy, so miserably bound by ill–habits, & shamed by ill–memories, sustain before his fellows the character of Christ's ambassador? The Apostle realized what he was committed to by his discipleship when he witnessed a display of Christ's superhuman power. More commonly the realization is compelled by some sudden & terrifying apocalypse of the disciple's own weakness. Then the contrast between the assumptions of spiritual office and the facts of personal inadequacy is felt & bitterly resented. Too often, the use and wont of clerical life, the lowering temper of professionalism, & the tacit acceptance of secular standards & ideals blunt the clergyman's conscience, & obscure his vision. But the general conscience is not affected by these influences, & it retains its disgust of unreality & its hatred of hypocrisy in full strength.

[105]

I celebrated the Holy Communion in the Chapel at 8 a.m. We did not number more than 7 communicants. The morning was mostly occupied in completing the sermon for S. Peter's Day, and in answering the long letter which I received from Welch in Southern Nigeria. I made Harris mad through my E.C.U. speech, on which he commented that it would not make me popular. But he approved it none the less. On the afternoon we walked round the Park, and had much talk together. Ella, Harris, and I walked to S. Peter's for Evensong. I preached from the Gospel for the Day, which includes the famous Petrine text – Tu as petrus etc. There was a large and very attentive congregation. I dare say some of them expected some pronouncement about the British Lazzeroni', but, if so, they were disappointed. After dinner I had much talk with Harris. He is evidently interested in ecclesiastical matters. He is, or pretends to be, an optimist as to the future of this country, but the pounds of his optimism having appear to be very adequate. He maintains that the allegations as to the ill–state of Oxford are exaggerated, if not altogether untrue: & insists that in any case the condition of Cambridge is worse!!

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