The Henson Journals

[100]

Trinity Sunday, May 26th, 1929.

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Just such glorious day as that (June 5th 1887) on which I was ordained to the diaconate in Cuddesdon Church forty two years ago. This year, for the first time, I know that my 'professional' course has reached its term. Last year it was still possible, many people thought it probable, that the H. of C. would accept the Prayer Book when, in a mitigated form, it was for the second time, proposed to it. And in that event, there was a very general expectation that I should have been offered one of the Primacies. With the rejection of the Book, that possibility, or probability, passed away: and I settled my mind on the conclusion that I could not rightly accept more preferment even if it shd be offered to me. So I must end my official life at this point. That is itself a sobering reflection, compelling me to see my career as a finished whole, & to realise (as if I were reading a candid obituary of myself) how utterly futile it has been. At the close there is nothing to show, nothing definitely achieved, only failure & defeat.

[101]

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Regarded from another point of view, how large have been the opportunities of service granted to me, how much larger than I had any ground for expecting at the start! Bethnal Green, Barking, Ilford, Westminster, Durham, Hereford, Durham – the range of responsibility has been wide enough to satisfy any ordinary ambition, and to shame any reasonable self–regard. Going deeper still into the hidden life which has co–existed with the performance of public duty, and letting Conscience pass its verdict on the deliverances of Memory, and what place is left for any other sentiments than those of gratitude for the infinite long–sufferance of the Almighty and unutterable shame for one's own laziness? "God be merciful to me, the sinner". Grant to me, O Divine Redeemer, grace to repent of my sins, and for the brief remainder of my days to give myself without reserve to the service of Thy Children for Thy sake and by Thy help.

And so with much sadness & self–condemnation I go to the Ordination.

[102]

Everything passed off without any untoward incident. Rawlinson preached a suitable and well–expressed sermon, which he delivered well and in a strong voice. The students from the Theological College attended in good numbers, and their voices made the Litany less disheartening than usual. The demeanour of the candidates was all that I could wish. For the first time, the Dean & all the five Canons were present. & joined in the laying on of hands. The music was devotional, &, indeed, I think all was done that could be done to assist edification.

I learned with much distress that dear old J. G. Wilson had been "lost"; and after some hours of anxiety on the part of his family and friends had been found at York hatless & coatless. What precisely had happened no one seems to know, but he is almost quite blind, and in his 81st year. I called at his house, but vainly, for I could make no one open to me.

Ella shewed the Canadian ladies the Cathedral and Castle.

[103]

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Page–Gounlay with his wife, daughter & brother came to tea. He is evidently depressed at the prospect in Spennymoor, where he is standing as a Conservative. He says that the 'Eight Hour Act' is his principal difficulty. The discontent of the pitmen with their present rates of pay is deep and general. It will probably mature in another considerable strike before the year is out. Winston Churchill is, he thinks, so unpopular, that he would probably be refused a hearing if he came into these parts. Steele–Maitland also is very much disliked. He agrees with me in doubting the wisdom of Lord Londonderry's appearance in support of Robin. This untoward strike at the Dawson Colliery has inflamed feeling. I suspect that it was organised, and is being kept up precisely with the object of damaging Robin's chances. But I have no doubt that the future of coal mining in Durham is very gloomy and uncertain: nor do I think that the outlook for the ship–building is much brighter. Industry is steadily moving southwards, & no Exhibitions can arrest the progress.

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