The Henson Journals

[128]

Saturday, August 21st, 1926.

We left Riccall Hall at 10 a.m., and motored to York. There, we visited the cathedral which, it was stated, is now open to visitors all day on Sundays. We called at the Deanery, and found not only the Dean and Mrs Ford, but Bishop & Mrs Talbot, "Father" Talbot, and several of the Ford boys. We had a vivacious conversation on the coal crisis, and then resumed our journey. We arrived at the Castle a few minutes before 2 p.m. I spent the afternoon in clearing off the accumulated correspondence, and paying some bills that had come in during my absence. Among these was my Newcastle surgeon's account – £131.5.0 – which was less than I expected. Mr John Bilson sent me his monograph on the chronology of the Vaults of Durham Cathedral.

So I came home once more to take up the burden of duty, and face the problems of life. The first weighs more heavily as my strength wanes: and the last are more terrifying as my courage dwindles. But of all problems by far the worst & most perplexing, because unavoidable and insistent, is the problem of myself. None of my known faults seems to slacken its hold on me, none of my most disabling weaknesses seems to grow less apparent, as I pass from middle life to old age. Why is this? Why cannot I draw some power of self–reformation out of my regrets, humiliations, mistakes, and disgraces? Must I be forever the bond–slave of a temperament, at once soft and fierce, yielding and obstinate, abject and ambitious? O wretched man that I am, who shall deliver me from this death?

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