The Henson Journals

[112]

Friday, February 2nd, 1923.

Five years ago I was consecrated in Westminster Abbey. I doubted then whether I did rightly in accepting a bishoprick. I doubt still. Then the general suspicion, and even deep detestation in which I felt myself immersed, weighed on my spirits, and made my consecration day, as I told the bishops last year on this day, 'the unhappiest day of my life'. That sadness hangs on my mind now. It seems almost intolerable that I should be exchanging apparently friendly and even affectionate conversation with men who did their best, often by very base methods, to keep me off the Bench, and who think, though they dare not say, that my presence on it is a weakness & disgrace to the Church. And along with the resentment goes the strengthening suspicion that, perhaps, after all, they were right. The objections they argued were, indeed, unjust and irrelevant, but I could have stated their case better, and neither they nor I know all the counts of the indictment.

Best friends would loathe us if what things perverse.

We know of our own selves, they also knew.

Lord, Holy One, if Thou who knowest worse.

Shouldst loathe us too!

So resentment is pursued by regret, self–accusation, & repentance. 'Depart from me, for I am a sinful man, O Lord.' So itake up the burden of my bishoprick, and stumble forward along the difficult and shadowed road of my duty.

[113] [symbol]

The House of Bishops met at 10 a.m. I urged the importance of the "general approval" stage of Prayer Book revision being arranged before the meeting of the other Houses: and I announced my intention of moving that the revision be taken in two parts, first, the practical and non–controversial proposals: that after the first had been dealt with, the reform of the ecclesiastical courts should be taken in hand: and then, when the machinery for enforcing the law was ready, we should complete the revision with the clear & publicly announced determination of enforcing obedience. Strong supported me, & the bishops agreed to meet on April 16th . The House of Laymen meets on April 25th … The Assembly occupied itself with a fatuous discussion of a motion by the Bishop of London setting up a Committee to deal with social and industrial issues. I lunched at the Athenaeum and did not attend the final session of the Assembly.

I dined with Meade Falkner. He gives an ill account of the man whom Lady Serena proposes to marry. His descriptive adjective was 'measly', which is certainly not attractive. I wrote to Harold Knowling warning him against being too closely associated with A. W. whose reputation is not pleasant. Also, I wrote to Philip le Mesurier inquiring what might be the truth about the story of his degree. I got back to Lambeth in time for prayers.

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