The Henson Journals

[82]

Friday, September 1st, 1922.

[^written in Greek, Matthew 26:75 or Luke 22:62^]

The irreparableness of a base act is the root of exceeding bitterness of the of its recollection. And this bitterness if felt the most keenly by those whose impulses are highest, and whose affection is most ardent. The imagination pictures the whole episode as it might have been, as we meant that it should be, as we were very sure it would be, and then memory thrusts that memory aside, and replaces it by the hateful spectacle of what actually was. Conrad in "Lord Jim" has described this experience rather strikingly, but, indeed, this is no need of the novelist to interpret what is familiar to our own spiritual consciousness. St Peter's Denial – so surprisingly complete, so abject in its baseness – transforms the narrative of the Passion into a "human document", that is, a genuine transcript from average human life. That is how it happens with ourselves. Our uttermost failure besets our highest devotion as closely as the shadow besets the light. We turn on ourselves in futile rage, baffled by the enigma of our own baseness. It might have been so different. And now nothing can be changed. As everlasting as the Story of the Cross is the story of the Denial. S. Peter must "go heavily" all his days because of that strange inexplicable cowardice in the servants' hall, and he might have gained a memory which would have strengthened him to the end.

[85]

We left Garvald at 2 p.m., and motored to Sunderland Hall, where we arrived at 3.30 p.m. The rain fell heavily all the time, obliterating our attractive country. We found another guest, Colonel Goff, staying at the house. Before, during, and after Dinner we had much talk, but nothing survived, in my memory beyond a vague recollection of continuous babble.

My mind dwells on the choice of a successor to Watkins. An Archdeacon should not be too old, lest he be unequal to his duties: nor yet too young lest, like Watkins, he hold office for too long. He must be sufficiently harmonious with the Bishop to assist and not to hinder diocesan policies. He must be a man worthy of trust and capable of inspiring it. It is needful that he be able to command obedience. He should have a competent knowledge of ecclesiastical law, be not unfamiliar with ecclesiastical business, and not repulsive to ecclesiastical officials. He should not be one of those clergymen, who have a fondness for seeing their names in the newspapers, but should be able to lie low, and keep counsel. If possible, he should be educated man, & what is commonly called a gentleman. He should not be too poor to practise hospitality, not so rich as to enable profusion. Finally he must be married to an adequate wife, and have his children, if he be so happy as to be a father, is due subordination. He must be capable of living in the climate of Durham.

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