The Henson Journals

[21]

Monday, November 8th, 1920.

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[My birthday has been marked by a number of very unpleasing experiences. We motored in Mr Harrison's car to Hartlepool, and lunched with Macdonald. In his house I interviewed the two quarrelling parsons – Turner and Duff. Then we lunched, and returned to Auckland Castle. Here I found among my letters a doleful communication from Harold informing me of what I had long secretly expected – his financial collapse. He pleaded hard for financial assistance which of course I had to refuse. Then William came to report further disaster to the car. It raises a doubt whether I may not be compelled to face the purchase of a new car. This, at present prices, is a ruinous matter.]

My letters contain some unpleasant reminders of the new & almost menacing insistence on some increase of their emoluments which marks the clergy. They are sinking into debt, and into the inefficiency of which debt is the surest condition. Meanwhile, the prospect of raising funds for their assistance grows ever less promising. We are locked into a calamitous circle. Inefficiency breeds a dislike& contempt of the clergy, these in turn, hinder the laity from removing the tap–root of inefficiency – the squalid poverty of the clergy. Unfortunately, an appeal has already been issued, and has so far succeeded as to spoil the pitch for anything more effective.

[22]

'Why art thou cast down, O my soul? Any why art thou disquieted within me? Hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the help of my countenance, and my God.'

Too rarely do we remember the mercies which have crowned our lives. The immediate anxieties cloud the horizon, and we can see nothing else. When I look back over the 57 years of my life, the causes for thanksgiving leap into prominence, and I am ashamed of the fears which darken and depress my mind. The astonishing outburst of affection which has marked my return to Durham has amazed & moved me in equal degrees. I cannot understand what there was in my record as Dean to create such personal attachment. Yet as to its sincerity and wide extension I can have no doubt. My central and prevailing desire is to justify the confidence of the people by being faithful to my trust. I come to this great See as one who is far advanced in middle life. In the nature of things I can have but a short time in which to work. Butler was Bishop of Durham for less than two years: Lightfoot's tenure did not exceed ten years. I can hardly hope for much more. There is no comparison between the difficulties of my position, & those with which my predecessors had to reckon. "Show Thou me the way that I should walk in for I lift up my soul unto Thee."

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