The Henson Journals

[184]

Wednesday, October 20th, 1920.

Eighteen years ago Ella and I were married in Westminster Abbey. How different the world looked then for her, and for me! I certainly never dreamed of becoming Bishop of Durham, or indeed of becoming a bishop at all. My rôle seemed clearly indicated. I would stand in the succession of suspected ecclesiastics, who wield influence but do not receive the highest preferment. I had made myself extremely odious to the governing faction by preaching the sermons on Reunion, Dec. 1901–Jan 1902, which were published in the volume, "Godly Union & Concord", and I was well–assured that I should shortly give further offence by championing "hereticks". Our married life has missed the crowning joy of children, & so far it has been a maimed and shadowed thing. The measure of that great failure is hard to know. Probably our characters would have been greatly advantaged and we should have escaped the isolation, which is beginning to shadow our lives. Children are not only the great power of union between husband and wife, but the cement of personal friendship between contemporaries. Life is robbed of its natural interests for those who are childless: and old age takes on a new terror when it must be faced in solitude. Every year we grow poorer in friends, as death takes them away: and we have no widening circle of relation, who must know and may love us in our declining years of weakness.

[185]

Of course there is another side to parentage. Children are by no means always a source of happiness to their parents. They bring shame and distress, as well as perhaps as often as, joy & honour. Character may be warped & soured by them, as well as widened and exalted. In every case they involve a substantial lessening of liberty in their parents. Some experiences are closed, if others (probably more important) are gained. The vast & continous anxieties and expenditures which children necessitate, may push out of mind the standing claims of the Ministry. There is a strong case in this respect for the celibacy of the clergy, & the childless clergyman is almost as free as the celibate in some respects, while being far more competent for some (not unimportant) parts of his work. As the hateful problem of clerical poverty darkens over the Church, there is an advantage in having one's personal requirements reduced to the smallest possible measure. S. Paul's counsels in I.Corinthian VII. are less determined by an ascetic's dislike of marriage than by a practical man's perception of the bondage into which family responsibilities may bring the Christian minister. Yet, when all is said, I incline to the conclusion that the childless clergyman loses more than he gains. He loses an interpreting experience, which is all but indispensable to his pastoral efficiency: he gains a certain measure of personal liberty, which may, or may not, assist his spiritual ministry.

[186]

I called on Mrs Rashdall, and made my apologies for staying in the Hotel, instead of going to the Deanery as she had proposed. As I walked through the streets I read a panphlet which Sanday calls his "Nunc dimittis": it deals very tenderly with the Bishop of Zanzibar, & is a touchingly modest production. Then I met Ella, arriving from Durham, and went with her to lunch at the Deanery. The Bishop of Carlisle and his suffragan, with their wives were there. I was amused at the rapidity with which Williams has acquired the oracular, profoundly important air proper to a bishop! We travelled to Murraythwaite (via Ruthwell), and were met by the car at the station. At the house, of course, every person and every corner were full of the great event of tomorrow. In the country, a marriage is always a subject of general interest; and Buff, as the heiress of Murraythwaite, is a very interesting person. I had some talk with Mrs Murray & Buff about the service. It is so long since I officiated at a marriage that I begin to grow nervous myself! I must put together a few thoughts for a very short address – no easy matter in these profligate demented days to speak wisely or serviceably upon marriage. I think the simple formula will serve as a text – "Those whom God hath joined together let no man put asunder". It might be worth while to emphasize the social aspect of marriage as paramount both in the Old Testament, and in the New. "It is not good for man to be alone", "Those whom God hath joined together". All the larger social units find source, strength, and interpretation in this. "The Home" is the rock on which the Nation rests, &c &c.

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