The Henson Journals

[231]

Trinity Sunday, May 30th, 1915. Hexham.

300th day

A bright morning, but cold & with a sense & aspect of instability. I went to the Holy Communion at 8 a.m. The priory church is very solemn & stately. There were several variants in the service connected with the war, but such illegalities are now so common that they no longer either surprize or disturb one. I recalled the day in June, 28 years ago when I myself was ordained in Cuddesdon Parish Church. Hutton assured me, but my own memory does not contain the fact, that I was the first man who, standing on his legal right, broke down the Bishop of Oxford's rule that none shd be ordained without parochial experience. Be this as it may: I had none, and plunged into clerical life with no equipment in the least adequate for its problems & strains. And for 28 years I have been 'cutting my fingers' in the acquisition of wisdom: & now feel more destitute & ineffective than ever: for the mounting courage which was mine at 23 has not remained to me at 51. Perhaps there is no career in which the discrepancy between real & apparent success is more extreme than that of the Christian Minister. There is no necessary connexion between official position & spiritual efficiency: nay, the first is often secured at the cost of the last. For a steady deterioration in the man may coincide with the rising popularity of the minister. Self–judgement is difficult & misleading, but so far as I can judge myself, I was a better Christian as Vicar of Barking than I am as Dean of Durham. Partly, perhaps, the reason lies in the fact that the one position was more congruous with Christianity than the other; partly, I fear, the reason must be traced to a declension from a standard of life & feeling, which was more worthy of the Christian profession than that which has come to be tolerated rather than accepted by the more important ecclesiastick. This is indeed a melancholy confession.

[233]

I preached at Mattins, repeating the sermon on the 'Kingship of Jesus' which I preached in Sunderland a fortnight ago. The large choir (24 men, 26 boys) contained some men who certainly ought to be in khaki. But, short of compulsion nothing will bring numbers of men into the Army: & there are difficulties about compulsion which do not become less the more they are considered. After lunch we motored in order to call on the Peels, & the Hedleys. The latter were absent from home. At Evensong there was a large congregation. I preached the sermon on "Lessons of the War", which has 'done duty' at half a dozen places in the county of Durham. These 'war sermons' have but a brief period of relevance, & must therefore be used as often as the circumstances permit.

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